Architecture

Description

The reference has to be Chicago style. I submitted this Essay to my lecturer and received 15/30 with the below feedback. For the final submission I need to follow his feedback and make sure I fix it.  Feedback from lecturer: Thank you for your forbearance as I work through the interim submission on this assignment. Your draft is comprehensive, which allows me to address a number of development points directly. First of all, I should say that the topic is timely, and that you have encountered in this work a number of key issues that process both historical cases and an ongoing cultural and (largely) urban discourse on race and its consequences for the fabric of cities and landscapes.  In terms of its framing, the essay is largely concerned with American sources and cases, with Australia finding its way in there, but not convincingly. You need to make a call on this: does it belong there, or not? If so, you need to frame the problem as one that works in both settings, recognising that “Blackness” is a different condition in each, arising from particular historical circumstances. The second point to make is that while you cover a lot of situations, you do not go into any significant detail to explain how architecture and urbanism is really involved in there. Perhaps it is a consequence of the reading you have been undertaking, such that you assume the examples are well known, but you could go further in laying out how broad observations you make are manifest in specific ways.  The structure of the essay is unclear: I propose that you step back from writing itself to map out the sequence paragraph topics you wish to cover, and to make sure that everything is gathered around each topic once, or recalled across the essay deliberately. Can you invoke more examples, include more illustrations, to substantiate the abstract points you wish to work through? In technical terms, your writing is very difficult to follow, and requires significant editing to ensure that each sentence has a subject, object and verb. The sentence is typical of the essay entire: “These impediments consolidate nonattendance of possibilities, poverty, inadequate guidance, clinical consideration, and sensible housing”. Or “Which started in a St. Louis suburb as a little, incensed revolt radiated into a fire. that swallowed down the country in its whole”. I’m afraid I simply can’t follow them, which means another reader will likewise struggle. Can I suggest you review your sources here? https://canvas.sydney.edu.au/courses/12076 THIS BELOW PARAGRAPH IS VERY IMPORTANT TO FOCUS ON: Something else to pay close attention to is referencing. Your essay is close to 20% sourced from online materials, not always referenced. Many sources named in the body of the essay are not referenced. And many of the referenced included do not pertain to the material in the body of the essay above. If left unresolved, there will become academic integrity issues for the final submission.  BELOW IS THE MARKING CRITERIA FOR THIS SUBMISSION: Final submission: Requirements: Final essay, 6000 words (excl. Bibliography, incl. notes and captions), formatted, illustrated and fully referenced. Assessment Criteria 1. The quality and clarity of your argument (16 marks). 2. The structure, scope and scale of your essay (16 marks). 3. Selection and use of sources and references (8 marks) 3. The quality of your presentation (including writing,illustrations, overall format and referencing) (10 marks).